I’m pretty sure I’m not alone on this thought, but I fear being next to the stinky person on a 13+ hour plane ride, or even an hour plane ride for that matter. Once, I sat next to a man who expelled gas all the way from London to Los Angeles, and I had the privilege of marinating in his fecal crumbs the entire journey since I was in the middle seat. Now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure this is why I now insist on having an aisle seat…

Anyway, I’ve been searching for a pair of black boots suitable for walking; seeing as I am leaving for Ireland, and it rains a lot, I wanted boots and all the boots I own have heels; I’m definitely not looking at taking on cobblestone streets in heels after a few Guinness beers…

So I finally found a pair that I liked online. I expedited the shipping overnight (I’m a huge procrastinator. I’ve known about my trip for a few weeks, yet I waited two days before leaving to get what I needed), and when they arrived last night, I immediately noticed the smell…. they smell stink like bacon.
Now, I love bacon; bacon is my absolute favorite food to eat. But when my shoes smell like bacon, I must draw the line somewhere.

Frustrated and angry that I waited for the last-minute and now worried that I won’t have boots, I threw them on the floor next to my bed and went to sleep. When I woke up this morning, my entire house STUNK like bacon, and I was the owner of a RAGING liquid-smoke induced headache. Frightened that the drug-sniffing dogs at LAX are going to viciously attack me when I walk through the security line due to the excruciating scent of smoked meat, I plopped the boots hopelessly in the backyard to air out for the day. After hours of fresh air, and my dogs attempting to eat them, I brought them inside my room and sadly stared at them.

My sister, not knowing anything about the boots, walked by and asked “why the hell does it smell like a BBQ in here???”…. Her question immediately gave me an idea… FEBREEZE THOSE BABIES!!! Sadly, half a can of the freshener which promises to block any odor has yet to dull the smokey scent, although it does have a slight vanilla undertone to the smokiness now.

Considering I leave tomorrow afternoon, and I have no other black boots, I will just wear the damn things in hopes that at some point I stop smelling like a breakfast skillet. I’m sure after a few days (fingers crossed) I should be golden. And I apologize ahead of time to whoever is seated in seat B26, as well as anyone I walk past during trips to the lavatory.

Perhaps if I wore this on the plane with my boots it would be more acceptable to exude a bacon scent